April 17, 2010

I’ve just returned home from lunch at San Francisco’s Cliff House with a wonderful friend. Her treat, to help me celebrate my new life without cancer. The Cliff House restaurant is on the ocean and is a scant few blocks from where my friend grew up. She reminisced about playing in the surf at Ocean Beach with her brothers. Their legs would get so cold they would run home and sit on a bath chair under the hot water of their shower until the feeling in their legs returned.

We walked through the little windmill park across from the beach. The tulips were still beautiful, though nearing the end of their bloom. My friend talked lovingly of visiting the park with her mother when they were both much younger. Her mother has since passed away. My heart aches for her being without her mom. They were so close.

My friend asked a lot of questions about my experience with breast cancer--about feelings and treatments. I was happy to answer them. It helps to talk about it now, to get everything out before I suppress it, lock it away forever.

My friend has a sister-in-law with whom I feel some kinship of late. The sister-in-law had a double mastectomy last year. I’ve heard so much about her, though we’ve never met. I hope we do get to meet up one day.

I know my husband thinks I’m a frenzied bundle of activity these days. I say yes to every outing and am making many plans. I’m sure I will slow down in a while. Right now I want to create as many happy memories as I am able, as fast as I am able. I want to get healthy, grow stronger, be beautiful. I want to see old friends and make new ones. I want to shove the horror of the last six months far below the surf of Ocean Beach. Let the waves carry every bit of sadness far out to sea.

Yes, today was a wonderful treat. I loved letting the fresh air, the waves, and the love of a friend wash over me. And I let the waves carry my tears out to sea.