Carly Fiorina, former Hewlett-Packard CEO and senate candidate, did some fundraising in my hometown last Friday. Having gone through the surgery and treatments for breast cancer, her hair is still very short.

“This is the look of a cancer survivor,” our local newspaper quotes her as saying. “The blessing of my tough passage with cancer is my faith is stronger, my family is stronger, and honestly speaking after chemotherapy and looking at this in the mirror every day Barbara Boxer doesn’t scare me one bit.”

I understand Fiorina completely. I have no doubt she’s seen the bowels of hell. Nothing can scare her now. As I’m still going through treatments, I haven’t yet reached the state of mind Fiorina is in.

My mother often says that I like to scare myself. I don’t need to do that. My doctors and the research books I consult are doing a bang-up job. My surgeon has already told me that radiation will shrink the affected breast by one bra size. The Stanford oncologist I met with said it will be smaller and firmer. I’m already picturing one side looking like a headlight (complete with the tattoos they’ll give it) and the other being normal. In my mind’s eye, I look ridiculous.

Though not insignificant, cosmetics is the least of my worries. According to Breast Cancer - The Complete Guide by doctors Yashar Hirshaut and Peter I. Pressman, there is much to be concerned about when it comes to radiation:
--Radiation can cause a hairline fracture of a rib.
--Radiation can sometimes injure the lungs.
--If a tumor near the center of the breast was removed, there is a greater likelihood of long-term edema (excess fluid that causes swelling) from damaged lymphatics.
--The breast can be sensitive to the touch for many years. “Episodes of discomfort, aching, and even sharp pain are not unusual.”
--Superficial layers of skin will die, and this will leave a slight discoloration. The skin may darken and thicken slightly.
--“Under certain conditions there have been radiation-induced cancers. People nineteen and younger are at highest risk for radiation-induced cancer. After thirty-five, the risk is negligible.”
--An “extremely rare cancer, hemangiosarcoma, can occur at the site of the radiation treatment to the breast after a lumpectomy. Its presence is suspected when a bruise-like discoloration appears on the breast.”
--When the left breast is radiated, there is concern about its effects on the heart. Apparently, long-term studies show no additional risk of heart attacks with modern radiation therapy.
--Women who intend to nurse their newborns will not be able to with a breast that has received radiation.

I suppose anything billing itself as a “complete guide” has to cover every eventuality. Still, between the book and my doctors, things are sounding plenty scary. My list of questions, as I prepare for my first appointment with the radiation oncologist tomorrow, is long.