I asked family and friends for guest blogs, as I thought voices other than mine would be refreshing in this space. My sister Deborah is my first guest blogger. Here is what she had to say:

When my sister Juli wanted me to guest blog on her site regarding her cancer experience, I at first thought it would be interesting. Now I feel like a ghoul participating in her illness. However, most people with blogs who have cancer are all about themselves. It’s kind of nice that my sister is interested in the family point of view. I have had numerous surgeries (not for cancer) and I kept telling her that it was only sleep. Juli told me that, before her lumpectomy, she had panic attacks about being attacked with knives. The surgery and pain meds. are the best part. Recovery is what sucks. My sister has never had surgery so she was very scared.

When I called our mom on October 9, 2009 and she said Juli had cancer, I did not want to believe it. I dropped the phone at work and cried and cried. My boss had me go into a quiet room to regain my composure. I was able to work the rest of the day. A friend from work said “Sorry for your loss.” I told him no one died. Actually I said, “My sister has cancer. No one died, you idiot!”

October 26, 2009

When I went to see Juli in recovery, her first words were, “Do I look like shit?” She did, but I said she just had a procedure. Juli cried and I held her hand. She said, “Why’d it come. I didn’t do anything.” I told her Dad had cancer. She reminded me that our dad smoked. He didn’t have lung cancer. But in Juli’s medicated state, her answer justified her meaning at the time. She was hungry and asked for food. The nurse brought graham crackers and apple juice. When Juli became nauseous, the nurse took the food away. Juli kept saying, “They took the food awayyyyy.” She reminded me of the kittens I rescue and nurse back to health. I wanted to wrap her in a blanket and make her feel safe, but that was a dumb idea. Juli is a grown person not a little cat. I noticed the word “Yes” on her breast. I guess that is where the incision was made. I told Juli, “Hey, biker tattoo.” I don’t think she caught the humor at the time.

Juli was going to have Thanksgiving this year. I know she is not strong enough for that so I am putting together a nice turkey dinner. We will meet at our parents’ house, which is closer for Juli. I just have to keep Mom out of the kitchen. I want to present a nice meal, which means an excuse for getting my hair and nails done also. You can’t present a lovely feast without looking lovely. I told my sister that when she figures out what treatment she will have, I can take her to the beauty college for a facial and massage. The students do very good work as it is part of their grading. We just need to wait to see how Juli will feel from day to day.

The sad part is Juli and I did not start to spend more time together until we got older. The last time we did something fun was window shopping and lunching in Sonoma. When I got up at the restaurant, I spilled water on her pants. They were white and she worried about them staining. That spill seems so trivial now. We still had a good day. I remember taking the ferry to the San Francisco ferry building with all of the shops. We window shopped and enjoyed the stores with their funky tchotchkes. The best time is when we saw the Bonesetter’s Daughter opera together. I never thought my favorite author, Amy Tan, would have an opera. Juli and I had such a beautiful day at the premier. I’m looking forward to more adventures with Juli. I hope she realizes that the strongest medicine is the will to survive. If she refuses to give in, she can beat this.

I love you, Juli.

Deb